he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize