1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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