The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
