Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
