we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I didn't notice because vodka
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
