Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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