Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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