I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
