I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We need to get me chipped asap
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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