I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
