I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
