I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
