How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
