ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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