So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
