"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
