im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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