we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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