My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm too high and old for this...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
