After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
