Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize