I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
vagina is talking i cant
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
