He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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