i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Drunk is not a location!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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