forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
