Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
only you would photoshop your dick
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
