just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I need a beard to bite.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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