hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize