I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
