She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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