how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He better not be in your backpack
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
