My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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