butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So. Much. Porn.
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