Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
