fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
