Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You have to summon your inner elephant
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Randomize