Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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