I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
