Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Randomize
