I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm always down for nudity.
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