she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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