i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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