Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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