i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
