yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
