If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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