Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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