I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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