We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize