I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
