I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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