You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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