he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
