i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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