im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
