I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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