So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
