the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
