I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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