I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize