haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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