i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
