I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
