They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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