if you like me you must not know who I am
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize