Me too!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
