I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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