made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Did I show you my penis last night?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize