soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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