i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
