Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
