The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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